I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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