the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
