My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
how does that bad decision feel?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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