Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
