In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
