I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
