I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
