I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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