Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
