There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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