Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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