She tied me up with her honor cords...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
