well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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