We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You ruined the universe
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
