Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
