That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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