i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
