Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
