can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
