I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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