So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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