its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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