Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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