You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
