Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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