i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
