but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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