come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
