We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
