I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
