Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
