hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
