she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You made out with two different species that night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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