She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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