people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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