Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
