I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
