At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
