Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
