I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
