Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
