it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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