My room smells like vodka and shame
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
