He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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