How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
