At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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