Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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