Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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