You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
