filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
