I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
