nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
