wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
