3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize