We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
