I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
