This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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