Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
