I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
